I keep hearing versions of this:
“We meet, we agree, then retreat back to our own roles.” Or “We have brilliant people who don’t want to collaborate.” Or “I wish my people would stop getting so upset and escalating when it feels like someone is stepping on their toes.”
It’s not just frustration. It’s leaders carrying more tension personally, because they’re the ones expected to hold it all together when collaboration slips.
While better methods, clearer strategy, and improved communication matter, what I see most often isn’t a lack of skill or structure. It’s something human underneath it all.
It begins to shift when we decide to see, believe, and behave differently toward each other.
The Starting Point is Grace
And it starts with grace, because we’ve all been hurt, disappointed, or let down in the past.
Grace breaks the cycle of withholding. It interrupts the reflex to protect or attack instead of engaging.
By grace, I don’t mean being soft or graceful. I’m talking about something much harder.
Grace isn’t pretending the past didn’t happen.
It isn’t minimizing pain or excusing behavior.
Grace is keeping the past from running the future.
And sometimes that means releasing the score even when we are justified in reacting.
The Grace Toll
When we withhold grace from others, it costs something. I call it the Grace Toll:
- Mistakes never quite die.
- People get labeled.
- We keep score.
- Grudges get dragged into every meeting.
- Old stories show up in new conversations.
Several years ago, I was working with a leadership team who felt disjointed, guarded, and disconnected. I couldn’t figure out why, at first. Then, in the middle of a meeting, a past wrong came rushing back like it had just happened that morning. The lid blew off.
That team didn’t have a communication problem. Something from the past was still shaping how they showed up. And until they extended grace to each other, nothing would change.
Once grace entered the room, conversations moved forward instead of circling the past.
The Choice
This isn’t about ignoring accountability. It’s about removing the invisible friction that keeps teams from moving forward.
Where might grace be needed right now, so that something better can move forward?
What would happen if everyone on your team, your organization, decided to give grace to each other:
- When mistakes are made
- When that unclear email comes in
- When something doesn’t feel right
When grace becomes a practiced behavior, not a personality trait, teams stop carrying the past into every decision. That’s where Uncommon Collaboration™ begins. And where clarity, trust, and momentum can finally take hold.
